Contraband

Of course you can
Of course you may
Come fly with us
Buy a ticket
Buy two seats
You can trust us
You and your cats
The threesome
The trio
The troika
The trinity

We know you well
We remember your December flight
Frankfurt to Moscow
December 31, 2016
A man
Two cats
Two seats
Lufthansa booking code: 5EVO4N
Lufthansa booking code: 8H95SA

No problem
No worries
Let’s do it again
Why not?

September 29
Flight 1423 to Frankfurt
Confirmed
Two seats
Two cats
One man
K9BNZP — BW8T9D

Flight 422 to Detroit
Confirmed
Two seats
Two cats
One man
September 29
KASKUL — BWTN1L

No problem
No worries
Let’s do it again
Why not?

Of course you could
Of course you may
Come fly with us
Buy a ticket
Buy two
Come to the airport
And . . .
MAYBE we will fly you
But
MAYBE we will change our mind
MAYBE we will invent a new rule
MAYBE we will block you
Ban you
Keep you standing there 150 minutes
Not let you board
Citing a policy that does not exist
Strand you in Romania
Turn you away
Treat you like contraband
Break our word
Break the contract
Break our promise
Ignore the consequences
Turn a blind eye
And fly away
Leaving you and your cats
In the lurch

You are contraband
You and your cats
You are illicit, prohibited, banned, proscribed, forbidden
And a danger to the airplane and passengers
So take a train
Take a bus
Walk to Denver
For all we care

We wash our hands of you
And pretend this never happened.
We will stonewall
And ignore your emails
Your distress
Your suffering
And do nothing to help you get home

Let United fly you and your cats
Home from Munich
No problem
No worries
No security risk
No danger to the other passengers

You are contraband
You and your cats
You are illicit, prohibited, banned, proscribed, forbidden
And a danger to the airplane and our passengers

  ------------- Background for this poem --------

  Even though Lufthansa approved two seats and two cats on our flight home, when we got to the airport the people at the desk would not let us fly. They claimed there is a policy of one animal per person. If you go to their website it does not say that. And I had emails proving that everything had been accepted. This did me no good. So we had to take trains through Budapest to Munich and fly home on United Airlines arriving on October 3 rather than September 29. I am very angry that Lufthansa did this to us and so many of their people stated a policy that does not exist. Imagine me carrying 6 bags and two cats through 3 railroad stations without baggage carts or porters.

  Here is the policy:

  "Small dogs and cats
A dog or cat may be transported in the cabin in your own carrier box (maximum dimensions: 55 x 40 x 23 cm, watertight, bite proof). Maximum weight of animal + box: 8 kg. Only cats and dogs may be transported in the cabin; you cannot take other animals with you on board."

  Where does it say "One animal per person?" Not anywhere! And they approved two cats when I called them on August 30. Also, in December of 2016, they allowed me to fly with two seats and two cats from Frankfurt to Moscow. Crazy!

  In December of 2016, we flew from Denver to Moscow with one person, two seats and two kitties. Lufthansa flew us from Frankfurt to Moscow without complaint.